Comebacks

In the shower this morning I remembered some vaguely rude thing someone said to me and I finally came up with a wonderfully biting comment that would have surely put her in her place. You know, if I hadn't thought of it two weeks late, in the shower, alone. I hate that! It's so unfair! I can count on one hand the number of times I've had timely comebacks to random rudeness.

One of my favorite times (and I know some of y'all have heard this one) was when Molly was a little under a year. It was a gorgeous Fall day. It was sunny and around 60-65 degrees. I picked Molly up from daycare and we went to the Post Office. I had dressed her relatively warmly that day; she was probably overdressed for the weather, so I didn't worry about putting a sweater or coat on her. She had also taken her shoes and socks off, but again, 60 degrees, so I didn't bother to put them back on for the 10 foot walk to the door.

There was quite a line in the post office, so Molly and I got behind two older ladies and began to wait. The two ladies kept glancing back at us, I kind assumed that they were looking at my super cute baby (or maybe me, who knows how they swing), but I was wrong, mostly. They were looking at my baby, but not because she was disturbingly cute, but because she was, in their opinion, woefully under-dressed for the frigid weather. Of course they didn't tell me that directly, instead they had a conversation in front of me.

Hag 1: Oh, my, that poor baby.
Hag 2: That's just terrible, poor thing.
Hag 1: Not even wearing socks, let alone boots.
Hag 2: I wonder where her coat is.

Molly coughs as she was getting over a bit of a cold (I liked to refer to the colds she got in daycare as kennel cough. I know, I'm awful).

Hag 2: (Very loudly) If that baby were dressed properly, she wouldnt be so sick!

Me: (Just as loud) Oh, that? She didn't get that cough from being cold, she probably got it from licking the floor at the mall when we were there the other day, don't worry about it.

They just stared at me. One of them may have forked the evil eye at me, not entirely sure. Other people in line laughed and I had my moment of glory. Four years later and I still roll that little memory out for myself every time I have a missed comeback.