Helicopter Grandparents

It's Christmas week and kids are out on Christmas break. Because of this the Tot Lot was completely and totally crazy today. Many of these children were escorted by their grandparents. While I was there I noticed something interesting; grandparents are the worst when it comes to hovering. Benefit of the doubt here, maybe it's because they haven't seen the kid in a while, but I think it's because they just really think something terrible is going to befall their precious grandchildren. I just think it's funny considering that I've heard so many older people complain that we're raising a generation of wimps, what with our car seats and toddler helmets. However, give 'em five minutes with their precious crawling grandchildren and they're breaking out the kneepads.

Little personal story about this. My parents think that I'm overprotective and silly when it comes to the safety of my children. I'm not. I'm actually pretty damned free-range compared to a lot of parents I know. I'm the mom who sits on the bench at the park while the kids play. I don't run around following two steps behind them in case they fall. I am not the mom at the tot lot today who couldn't let her 3 year old go down the two foot tall slide without holding his hand (seriously, let the kid grow a pair). However, I am a bit picky when it comes to car seats. I extended rear-face, I don't allow puffy coats, etc. Cars are dangerous, I try to keep my kids safe, it doesn't seem ridiculous to me. This is why my parents think that I'm overprotective.

I find this silly because my parents (my mother in particular) is completely paranoid and thinks of all manner of awfulness that could possibly befall her grandchildren.

I will give you 3 examples:

1. Ped Mall, bright sunny day, not terribly crowded. My 3 year old daughter is playing on the playground. I can see her. She running laps around the equipment. I decide to sit down on the bench for a few minutes. My mother becomes quite alarmed, raises herself up and begins to crouch, as if she were going to run hurdles. She frantically asks where Molly is. I point her out and ask her what's wrong. Based on her behavior I've deduced that she's heard gunshots and we're clearly under attack. No, she was just worried that she couldn't see Molly and that maybe she had been kidnapped. My only comment was, "really?" Her answer? "It happens all the time!" No, really, it doesn't. I also recall this same woman allowing me to roam all over town (including walking down to the local Circle K to buy her cigarettes) at the age of 7 without a care in the world.

2. I'm on the phone with my mother. She says she has to go, she has to cut a cucumber for my nephew. He was 10. I told her if she needed to get off the phone she didn't need to make excuses. She said she wasn't, she was just worried that he would cut himself. When I pointed out that she had taught me to mince onions at about age 7, all she could offer was, "that's different."

3. Again, phone with my mother. 5:15-ish p.m. her time (she lives in a time zone an hour behind mine). She expresses concern because it's completely dark (it is winter) and that the grandkids (my nephews and niece) were home alone and she wasn't entirely sure when their parents would get home. The oldest of these children is about 15, the youngest 9. I asked if she thought their parents would be really late or something. She said no, but that it's dark out! I asked if she recalled when she and my stepfather both worked evenings and left me home alone until 11 at night when was 11. Again, that was "different."

So...older generation that likes to bitch about our pansy children. What's with the helicopter grandparent routine?

Today I went to the mall

and learned that I should have stayed home. It's 5 days until Christmas and the placed was packed (even on a Monday morning) and people were grumpy, myself included. I do have a couple words (and they are not "Merry Christmas") for some people.

First one goes out to the woman who felt the need to dart past my pregnant self and my squirming child to rush into the family bathroom. I somehow doubt it was an emergency as you had plenty of time to complain about the smell. It's a "family" bathroom. That's why there's a tiny little toilet in there across from the big toilet. It's dirty and and stinky and it is not for middle-aged women who like a little privacy while they read. There is a very large, very clean bathroom less than 20 feet away that is intended for everybody. Use it.

Second one goes out to the older couple in the toothpaste aisle at Target. Was it really necessary to literally push me out of your way in search of a SpinBrush? I am glad you chose not to push past the nice lady with the oxygen, but maybe you could have extended the courtesy me, too. I understand you were trying to find that toothbrush just like yours that the grandkids like (thanks for letting myself and all of the surrounding aisles know), but I highly doubt that there's going to be a last-minute holiday rush on them. By the way, the toothbrush in the Christmas stocking? Yeah, that'll make you popular. Ask my stepmother about that one (if she's still alive, haven't talked to her in over a decade or two).

Last one goes to the older woman who felt it necessary to stage whisper not once, but twice the fact that my son was without shoes and socks and that somebody should call somebody else to do something about that. Had you put your keen observational skills to good use you may have noticed that I was carrying said socks and shoes. Furthermore, while I have not researched the subject entirely, I am quite certain that no toddler has ever suffered the loss of a toe to frostbite while in Target or the Food Court. Perhaps in the future you could be a bit more direct and just let me know that my son is missing his shoes and/or socks. I might actually appreciate that as sometimes I don't notice when he pulls them off and throws them at random passersby.

I will be happy when Christmas is over and we can have our nice, quiet weekday mall back.