Karma

Once you've spent some time around playgrounds and tot lots you begin to notice different types of parents.  The two most common types found out in the wild are the hoverer and the bench warmer (for lack of a better term).  The hoverer follows their child (or children--which is high-larious to watch - 1 helicopter parent + 2 toddlers = awesome entertainment for me) around the playground at all times, no matter the capability of the child.  The hoverer will help their child climb ladders, hold his/her hand down the slide, etc.

The bench warmer, on the other hand is happy to let his/her child roam free around the playground, climb ladders, climb slides, etc., all without parental intervention.  This is not to say that the bench warmer ignores their children; these parents typically know where their children are and exactly what they are doing at most times.  This type of parent is very quick to jump in when requested or needed.  You'll often find the bench warmers in friendly clusters in the middle of the playground, or somewhere on the sidelines.  Bench warmers are not to be confused with the real asshole parents, the ones who take their (often misbehaved) kids to playgrounds and tot lots and completely ignore them.  Fortunately I've run into very few of the truly oblivious parents.

I tend to fall into the bench warmer category.  To each his/her own and all, but I'd really rather not follow my children around a playground if I can avoid it.  I want them to run and jump and climb and burn off as much energy as humanly possible.  I am old and slow, I will only be holding them back.  Not to mention the fact that I see them all the time and they see me all the time.  Frankly, we're sick of each other.  The playground and the tot lot are much needed separation time.  I have nothing against those parents that like to hover, I really don't.  Some of my friends are hoverers, and my only problem with them is that I don't get to talk to them enough because they're busy hovering.

Unfortunately there are a lot of hovering mamas who don't think that we bench warmers are paying attention.  Some of them make short, snide comments to their equally harried hovering friends as they pass each other in the playground, trailing after their toddlers with the antibacterial spray.  Others choose to just give the bad mama evil eye.  Bad mama evil eye is typically given when the hovering parent is doing something to insure the complete safety of their child and the bench warmer is not.  It implies that the bench warmer is a careless, thoughtless human being who is risking his/her child's life and limb(s) in the playground by not providing proper supervision.  It's an ugly look.

I got the bad mama evil eye the other day at the tot lot.  My son decided to walk up the slide in the tiny little play structure, while a hovering mama was helping her daughter (who looked to be about 3 - she was bigger than my son) climb up the 4 teeeny, tiny little stairs.  They paused mid-climb to wait for my son and to give me the eye.  As mama stared her bad mama daggers at me, little Nevaeh* (it's heaven! spelled backwards!) ripped her hand away from mama, climbed the last two steps into the play structure and threw herself out of the toddler sized hole on the side, landing poorly.  Good, careful mama saw none of it!  Absolutely none!  But I did.  And I laughed.  But only on the inside. And only once I knew the little girl was okay, which she was, I'm not a heartless bitch or anything.  The little girl seemed to think it was pretty awesome, I think it was the first time she'd had any real, unscripted fun.  Her mother didn't.  She scolded her and they left not too long after.  It's been a couple of weeks since this happened and I've seen this mama since (still hovering) and she refuses to make eye contact with me.




* I do not know that this child's name was Nevaeh (it's heaven! spelled backwards!), I only use the name when I'm being sarcastic because I hate it**.  The child-free get Bratleigh and Snotleigh, so I'm making this one my own. 

** Yeah, I really do hate the name.  Complete and total (ir)rational hatred.  I'm sorry if it offends, but I'm not going to back down on this one.  If you have a child named this, or are choosing to name a child this, just don't tell me about it 'cause I'll think less of you, which I probably don't want to do.  I frequent a message board with a popular poster called Nevaehsmommy, or some shit like that.  I can't even bring myself to read her posts.  Her posts may be the most eloquent and useful posts on the message board, but I'm never ever going to know.