Thanks for crushing my ego, come again!

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like everything is going perfectly then somebody's seemingly benign little comment completely kills your awesomeness? Yeah, that totally happened to me the other day.

I had taken the kids to the children's museum and it was great. Seriously. Max only ran off once, and it wasn't even that far away. And he even let me catch him. Molly was nice to other kids and she never even complained about going to the farm room so that it would be easier to feed Maggie. So not like my daughter to be complaint free, but she was. We even met a few new friends, which is always a lot fun. We just had a great time.

Then we ate lunch and went to Target. Lunch was amazing. Max actually sat and ate his lunch. Target was even better. Molly didn't have one tantrum.* Not even a minor bitch-fest.

Then it was time to leave. Baby in stroller, toddler on my back and Molly holding onto the stroller while we navigated the busy parking lot. Military precision! It was so smooth I even had time to leisurely sip my latte!**

Enter older woman (it's always an older woman) who hustled halfway across a parking lot to ask me if I needed any help because I "looked completely overwhelmed." yes, that is a direct mother fucking quote (if you were wondering, iPad totally separates mother fucking into two words--least it doesn't make it mother ducking like my Droid does). She did this all while grabbing my son's ass in obvious fear that he was going to fall out of his carrier which I assure you has never happened.

I was really flustered and kind of laughed/giggled very strangely and said no, I was perfectly fine. I once again sipped my latte*** to prove just how fine I was, then I continued onto my car. She followed for a couple feet with an odd look of concern/doubt/disapproval on her face before turning around and going into the mall.

Totally killed all of my warm fuzzy feelings. I spent the next 45 minutes (I took the long way home to force naps and have some quiet time) wondering why somebody would think I looked overwhelmed. Did she think I look frazzled? Did I sound upset or overwhelmed? Do I just look generally incompetent? I don't think it was any of those. Honestly, I think it was mostly the carrier. Baby on my back = OMG overwhelmed/hands full to a lot of people. Once I reminded myself of that I totally regained all of my awesomeness.

Awesomeness that I am going to need to need today. Because today is kind of sucking right now. Where's concerned woman when I really need her?

*Molly doesn't tantrum all of the time, but Target does seem to be a huge trigger for her for some reason. If there's going to be a huge tantrum, it's going to be at Target.

**It was really a Diet Pepsi from Taco Bell, but "latte" sounds so much more stay-at-home mommy.

***Still not a latte, see above. Also, "latte" sounds so much more relaxed than Diet Pepsi for some reason...

I went to the mall. Again.

Yeah, I'm a stay at home mom, I find myself at the mall quite a bit. They have a play area and a children's museum. Not to mention a Target that sells booze. All necessary SAHM trappings. Sorry about the abbreviations, which I don't typically use, but I have pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel, so keeping typing to a minimum isn't a bad thing.

Back to the mall. Today's trip was proof positive that I should just stay the hell home until I have this baby. Today was just absolutely exhausting, I don't have it in me to chase 2 kids around right now.

Highlights.

1. Lost my daughter in the children's museum. She decided to move onto a different room. We found her, she wasn't doing anything terrible, but still, it took like 5 minutes to find her. It should never take over a minute or two to find my daughter. She wears sparkly princess shoes that leave a trail of glitter dust for all to see.

2. Let my son throw golf balls around a room willy-nilly. I could have stopped him, but he wasn't hitting anybody or anything as his throwing arm is weak.

3. Terrified a young helicopter mommy by letting my son run down the stairs all alone. And by "letting" I mean waddling slowly after my son as he ran gleefully down the stairs and away from the puppet room. I would have chased him in earnest, but I feel that way about the puppet room, too.

4. I made my children share an adult meal at Arby's. This was clearly offensive to the strangely feminine young man taking our order. He kept suggesting children's meals. Then when I told him a #11 and a #23 he asked if I only needed one drink, thinking that all of the food was for my fat ass (my children are skinny...clearly I don't feed them). Um, no.

4a. I let my children eat fries.

4b. My daughter had a giant lemonade.

4c. No fruit cups were involved.

4--note--strangely feminine young man actually made me show ID because my credit card wasn't signed. This was not a cursory check either, he examined both cards for over a full minute. I thought I was going to be denied Arby's. All because I didn't take him up on that kids' meal offer.

5. The marathon run my son took from our table to the carousel near the doors. It was amazing, all of the people who watched him run right by them (while I was "running" behind him) made sure to give me the proper bad mama evil-eye.

I think that outings will be kept to more contained situations for a couple of weeks.

Today I went to the mall

and learned that I should have stayed home. It's 5 days until Christmas and the placed was packed (even on a Monday morning) and people were grumpy, myself included. I do have a couple words (and they are not "Merry Christmas") for some people.

First one goes out to the woman who felt the need to dart past my pregnant self and my squirming child to rush into the family bathroom. I somehow doubt it was an emergency as you had plenty of time to complain about the smell. It's a "family" bathroom. That's why there's a tiny little toilet in there across from the big toilet. It's dirty and and stinky and it is not for middle-aged women who like a little privacy while they read. There is a very large, very clean bathroom less than 20 feet away that is intended for everybody. Use it.

Second one goes out to the older couple in the toothpaste aisle at Target. Was it really necessary to literally push me out of your way in search of a SpinBrush? I am glad you chose not to push past the nice lady with the oxygen, but maybe you could have extended the courtesy me, too. I understand you were trying to find that toothbrush just like yours that the grandkids like (thanks for letting myself and all of the surrounding aisles know), but I highly doubt that there's going to be a last-minute holiday rush on them. By the way, the toothbrush in the Christmas stocking? Yeah, that'll make you popular. Ask my stepmother about that one (if she's still alive, haven't talked to her in over a decade or two).

Last one goes to the older woman who felt it necessary to stage whisper not once, but twice the fact that my son was without shoes and socks and that somebody should call somebody else to do something about that. Had you put your keen observational skills to good use you may have noticed that I was carrying said socks and shoes. Furthermore, while I have not researched the subject entirely, I am quite certain that no toddler has ever suffered the loss of a toe to frostbite while in Target or the Food Court. Perhaps in the future you could be a bit more direct and just let me know that my son is missing his shoes and/or socks. I might actually appreciate that as sometimes I don't notice when he pulls them off and throws them at random passersby.

I will be happy when Christmas is over and we can have our nice, quiet weekday mall back.