Mostly whining

I've been terrible about posting. It's not that I haven't had the time, or even the inclination. Mostly I've just lacked follow through. Seriously. I can think of about 300 things I need/want to do, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Frankly I've just been a little depressed. Some of it is seasonal, but a lot of it is me taking things far too personally and letting far too much get to me. The rest of it is my own personal bullshit that I really need to take care of because it's kind of making me an asshole. I've talked about some of that with my husband, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk about it here, even if I don't really have many readers. Maybe I'll start another blog that I don't update regularly enough!  =)

One of the things that's been bothering me is my mom's group. A couple of years ago when I had a firm date for staying home I did some research and stumbled on a local mom's group run through a website devoted to getting people out and "meeting up." I went ahead and joined it, and somehow got over my sometimes crippling shyness and actually went to a gathering. I totally expected very stereotypical stuck up stay at home mom bitchy kind of ladies. Totally not the case. Everybody was really just awesome. Once I began staying home I became pretty active in the group.

Somehow in the past year and a half I've inadvertently become the main organizer. Unfortunately I've become an organizer at a time when membership seems to be in flux. A lot of the older members have gone on to pursue other things (many of them friendships made within the group), other people just don't go out much in the winter, and the others, well, who knows. Either way, there's not a lot of activity, either in attending or in helping schedule events.

This type of situation should be a challenge for me. And sometimes I want it to be, but most of the time it just isn't. Honestly, I just said I'd take over the group so that it wouldn't go away. I didn't want something that so many people had put time, energy and money into to just go away. Unfortunately that's not a good enough motivator. At least not for me.

I find myself spending 2-3 days per week scheduling and attending events that I probably wouldn't go to otherwise, socializing with people who are great, but not necessarily the people I'd like to be socializing with at the time. I've met several wonderful friends in this group and I would love to pursue friendships with them outside of the group, but I don't feel that I can at this point. I feel like these friendships are decaying because I don't have enough time or energy to put into them because of group obligations.

Add into that the group of women who have decided to join another local group. I'm more than fine with this. As a matter of fact I was a member of that group for some time while I was a member of my current group. It just wasn't really a good fit for me so I left. However, this group of women have become somewhat negative toward my group. Recently a couple of them RSVP'd to an event with my group, but actually attended with their other group. Hell, one of them I didn't even recognize and she's apparently been a member for years! I've just only met her briefly before. It really bothered me and it probably shouldn't have. A year ago, or even 6 months ago this wouldn't have bothered me all that much, but the other day it really did. I felt useless and dumb. I don't need to feel this way.

So what do I do? I feel like a dick taking the group just to dump it two months later. And if I do step down I don't think anyone will take over, which is probably fine. But there is a little bit of a bank account to go with it and I just don't want to deal with the inevitable estrogen-bathed fallout that will occur.

Don't get me wrong, I like most of the women involved in this group, I really do. Overall I've met a lot of great people that I would totally still hang out with. Hell, I'd probably get to hang out with them more were it not for this group.

Blah, this is shit I shouldn't even be talking about on a blog that some of the members probably know about. Maybe I'm looking for advice, maybe I'm just looking for an offer for a free beer.  Who knows.