Can I have a hall pass?

I haven't meant to abandon this blog, I've just haven't used my laptop much this week.  Partially because it's not holding a charge much, but mostly because I'm cheating on it with my new phone.  In theory, I could blog from my phone, but I'm not a great writer, so I tend to edit a lot (no, really).  That would just get tedious on a wee screen.

But anyway, I've discovered I have a problem.  I probably have a lot of problems, but I have one immediate one that's been on my mind quite a bit lately.  It's silly, it's very silly, and you're going to think I'm insane, but nonetheless, it's been bugging me, so I'm going to share it with you.

I can't pee.  No, I'm not sharing some weird intimate health secret with you, and it's not that I can't pee, 'cause I can, it's that I can't find a good time to do so.  And it's only when we're out and about, not at home, believe me, my mama-martyr flag doesn't fly quite that high (oh noes, I'm so busy, I can't even pee).  Basically it boils down to a problem of logistics.  On the whole I'm pretty good at carting all three kids around, but when it comes to getting all three of us, plus our assorted gear into the bathroom for me to go, I just can't get it done.

Yes, I know the mall has a family bathroom, and I know that handicapped stalls are fantastic for bringing "bathroom helpers" with you, but neither option is working for me.  The reason?  Max.  Max knows how to open all doors.  Having to squat-run, pants around my ankles to shut a bathroom door before any small children or pets are traumatized has gotten tiring.

I used to love the stinky family bathroom at the mall because I could just put the stroller in front of the door and turn on the hand-dryer.  That used to be enough of a distraction.  Well, now Max likes to sit on the little potty and get soaking wet (when he's not climbing the stroller to get to the door).  Having to follow up a trip to the bathroom with a run to Target to buy new pants can get a little expensive.
 
And I won't even go into Molly's running bathroom commentary on volume, fuzziness and who may or may not be pooping in the other stalls.  I've gotten used to that embarrassment and know that I can just hide in the stall a few extra minutes if need be.  Can't do that once people have seen you crab-walk your half-nekkid ass to the open bathroom door.

You're wondering what I've been doing instead of going to the bathroom?  No worries, I haven't been peeing behind bushes or anything, I've just been holding it while we're out.  So, if you see me in public, feel free to offer to watch my kids for a few minutes, 'cause I've probably really gotta go!