Karma is a fucking bitch

It is.  And not just the Karma that I worked with a long time ago, 'cause she was kind of a bitch, but not like a fucking bitch...just kind of bitchy.  But anyway, I mean the other karma.

Four and a half years ago I had a baby.  A lovely baby girl who decided that she would sleep through the night pretty consistently from about 4 weeks on.  Oh, we had a few nights where this didn't happen, and a period at about 10 months where she had some issues, but on the whole, girlfriend pretty much just slept.

At different points throughout Molly's babyhood I may have said (and by "may have" I mean OMG, I actually said this shit) things like, "I'm not tired, I don't understand what all the fuss is, they sleep through the night pretty quickly."  That's not really a direct quote, but it's a good summary of my thoughts on the subject at the time; a good representative statement.

And then I had Max.  Who didn't sleep through the night until he was about 16 months old.  He usually woke up once, but more often twice during the night.

And now I have Maggie, who has slept through the night a few times.  But apparently, that was just to mock me.  She wakes up a couple times during the night.  But I don't care, because I have given up.  I am old and I am tired and I really like not being a zombie during the day.  So Maggie just comes to bed with me and we both sleep.  Mostly.

Take that, karma.

I am f&*king lame

I am.

I just read 64 reviews of steam mops.  Which, in and of itself, is pretty goddamned lame, but then I ran across this.  I totally want one.  I was so excited about it that I even emailed it to my husband.

Now he probably thinks I'm lame, too.

I need another hobby apparently.  Not saying that my hobby is mopping floors, 'cause it's certainly not.  My floors are in desperate need of mopping, and I don't mean that in any metaphoric sense, I just mean that seriously, my floors like crunch when you walk on them right now.

Maybe I should actually you know, mop, instead of just reading reviews by people who do.

Yeah, I'll get on that now.

MIA

I've been totally MIA due to out of town guests, backyard tree clearing and general apathy.  No worries, I do have plenty to say, just haven't had the time to say it, but will again after tomorrow.

Thanks for crushing my ego, come again!

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like everything is going perfectly then somebody's seemingly benign little comment completely kills your awesomeness? Yeah, that totally happened to me the other day.

I had taken the kids to the children's museum and it was great. Seriously. Max only ran off once, and it wasn't even that far away. And he even let me catch him. Molly was nice to other kids and she never even complained about going to the farm room so that it would be easier to feed Maggie. So not like my daughter to be complaint free, but she was. We even met a few new friends, which is always a lot fun. We just had a great time.

Then we ate lunch and went to Target. Lunch was amazing. Max actually sat and ate his lunch. Target was even better. Molly didn't have one tantrum.* Not even a minor bitch-fest.

Then it was time to leave. Baby in stroller, toddler on my back and Molly holding onto the stroller while we navigated the busy parking lot. Military precision! It was so smooth I even had time to leisurely sip my latte!**

Enter older woman (it's always an older woman) who hustled halfway across a parking lot to ask me if I needed any help because I "looked completely overwhelmed." yes, that is a direct mother fucking quote (if you were wondering, iPad totally separates mother fucking into two words--least it doesn't make it mother ducking like my Droid does). She did this all while grabbing my son's ass in obvious fear that he was going to fall out of his carrier which I assure you has never happened.

I was really flustered and kind of laughed/giggled very strangely and said no, I was perfectly fine. I once again sipped my latte*** to prove just how fine I was, then I continued onto my car. She followed for a couple feet with an odd look of concern/doubt/disapproval on her face before turning around and going into the mall.

Totally killed all of my warm fuzzy feelings. I spent the next 45 minutes (I took the long way home to force naps and have some quiet time) wondering why somebody would think I looked overwhelmed. Did she think I look frazzled? Did I sound upset or overwhelmed? Do I just look generally incompetent? I don't think it was any of those. Honestly, I think it was mostly the carrier. Baby on my back = OMG overwhelmed/hands full to a lot of people. Once I reminded myself of that I totally regained all of my awesomeness.

Awesomeness that I am going to need to need today. Because today is kind of sucking right now. Where's concerned woman when I really need her?

*Molly doesn't tantrum all of the time, but Target does seem to be a huge trigger for her for some reason. If there's going to be a huge tantrum, it's going to be at Target.

**It was really a Diet Pepsi from Taco Bell, but "latte" sounds so much more stay-at-home mommy.

***Still not a latte, see above. Also, "latte" sounds so much more relaxed than Diet Pepsi for some reason...

What lurks beneath

Here's a picture of my daughter's cute little "I Love Mommy" cat PJ's.

It's cute, isn't it?  Sweet little kitty hanging out on her mommy's head, hanging out in my daughter's pajama pocket for no discernible reason. 

Until you look a little bit closer.

Cute little kitties, my ass.  Freak show kitty has no fucking legs.  No wonder she's hanging around in a pair of pink infant PJ's; it's not like she can just jump out.

Stupid amputee cat.  It's likely giving my daughter a lifelong fear of legless cats.

Wordless Wednesday

Mornings

My favorite time of the day has become morning.  Really.  Early morning, right when I wake up.  Because my husband is made of facial hair and awesome, he gets up with the two older kids, leaving me to lounge about feed Maggie in bed. 

Feeding does happen, but mostly it's just general cuddling and smiling and giggling.  Maggie wakes up so happy in the morning that it should be illegal. She giggles, she "talks" to me, and she pets my face.  And I love it.

I didn't get to do this as much with the older kids because most mornings were filled with showers, feedings and daycare supply gathering.  I never got this extra chunk of time every day to just hang out with my babies doing nothing.  I really wish I had because it's so wonderful.

I know it won't last forever, Maggie's almost 6 months old* now, and she's already on the move.  Pretty soon she'll be crawling out of bed with her brother and sister, But for now, she's perfectly content just hanging out with me, hogging my bed, and I'm perfectly fine with that.


*6 months is the most magical of baby ages.  Six-month old babies are great, they are the reason people keep having babies.  They are giggly and sweet and cute.  They do not run around growling at people in malls, they do not climb on your counters and try to eat your cell phones.  They sleep, they poop, they smile, they stay where you put 'em (mostly) and they think you are the funniest, most awesome-est person on the entire planet.