Mostly whining

I've been terrible about posting. It's not that I haven't had the time, or even the inclination. Mostly I've just lacked follow through. Seriously. I can think of about 300 things I need/want to do, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Frankly I've just been a little depressed. Some of it is seasonal, but a lot of it is me taking things far too personally and letting far too much get to me. The rest of it is my own personal bullshit that I really need to take care of because it's kind of making me an asshole. I've talked about some of that with my husband, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk about it here, even if I don't really have many readers. Maybe I'll start another blog that I don't update regularly enough!  =)

One of the things that's been bothering me is my mom's group. A couple of years ago when I had a firm date for staying home I did some research and stumbled on a local mom's group run through a website devoted to getting people out and "meeting up." I went ahead and joined it, and somehow got over my sometimes crippling shyness and actually went to a gathering. I totally expected very stereotypical stuck up stay at home mom bitchy kind of ladies. Totally not the case. Everybody was really just awesome. Once I began staying home I became pretty active in the group.

Somehow in the past year and a half I've inadvertently become the main organizer. Unfortunately I've become an organizer at a time when membership seems to be in flux. A lot of the older members have gone on to pursue other things (many of them friendships made within the group), other people just don't go out much in the winter, and the others, well, who knows. Either way, there's not a lot of activity, either in attending or in helping schedule events.

This type of situation should be a challenge for me. And sometimes I want it to be, but most of the time it just isn't. Honestly, I just said I'd take over the group so that it wouldn't go away. I didn't want something that so many people had put time, energy and money into to just go away. Unfortunately that's not a good enough motivator. At least not for me.

I find myself spending 2-3 days per week scheduling and attending events that I probably wouldn't go to otherwise, socializing with people who are great, but not necessarily the people I'd like to be socializing with at the time. I've met several wonderful friends in this group and I would love to pursue friendships with them outside of the group, but I don't feel that I can at this point. I feel like these friendships are decaying because I don't have enough time or energy to put into them because of group obligations.

Add into that the group of women who have decided to join another local group. I'm more than fine with this. As a matter of fact I was a member of that group for some time while I was a member of my current group. It just wasn't really a good fit for me so I left. However, this group of women have become somewhat negative toward my group. Recently a couple of them RSVP'd to an event with my group, but actually attended with their other group. Hell, one of them I didn't even recognize and she's apparently been a member for years! I've just only met her briefly before. It really bothered me and it probably shouldn't have. A year ago, or even 6 months ago this wouldn't have bothered me all that much, but the other day it really did. I felt useless and dumb. I don't need to feel this way.

So what do I do? I feel like a dick taking the group just to dump it two months later. And if I do step down I don't think anyone will take over, which is probably fine. But there is a little bit of a bank account to go with it and I just don't want to deal with the inevitable estrogen-bathed fallout that will occur.

Don't get me wrong, I like most of the women involved in this group, I really do. Overall I've met a lot of great people that I would totally still hang out with. Hell, I'd probably get to hang out with them more were it not for this group.

Blah, this is shit I shouldn't even be talking about on a blog that some of the members probably know about. Maybe I'm looking for advice, maybe I'm just looking for an offer for a free beer.  Who knows.

Blah

I know I've said this before, but I really hate January. Everything is wet, dirty and just blah. It's really the only time of the year that I actually get depressed, and I definitely have been this year. It's not really the cold that bothers me, but more just the same-ness.  It's always kind of grey, it's always below 30, the snow is always just dirty, etc. I had a friend who used to go tan to make herself feel better in January. I'd do that if a) I didn't hate myself with a tan and b) my freckled ass, having grown up in Arizona, is about one overly bright reading lamp away from a skin cancer outbreak.

Before anyone gets terribly concerned about my being depressed, I assure you my depression doesn't really go much past OMGIHATEJANUARY, which is easily cured by February (well, the last half of February, the first half is really just extended January). Hopefully I'll be crawling out of this funk soon seeing as tomorrow is the beginning of February.

In the meantime I've made a list of 10 things that don't really suck to remind myself not to be such an fun vacuum.

1.   Tomorrow is February
2.   Gamicon is coming up. I've always thought of Gamicon as my "soft launch" of Spring. Yes, haters, I know that Spring doesn't start in February. I also know that it is cold in February. However, I do know that the weather actually freaking changes in February. And that is all I need.
3.   Maggie is going to walk any day now, and that's always fun.
4.   I have the best husband ever.
5.   Molly turns 5 this month, that means she will go to Kindergarten soon, which I am very much looking forward to. We are both so.very.ready.
6.   I have 3 healthy, fun children (who are currently playing in the cereal).
6.5 I have above a 99% chance of NOT having any more! Yay surgery!
7.   I get to stay home with my kids and go to museums and parks and fun places.
8.   I have awesome friends to talk to at above places.
9.   We might get actual cancel school snow tomorrow night. I'm really looking forward to that, I could use a snowed-in day. Plus, it might be fun to be able to go out and play in the snow if it's not too cold.
10. My new living room furniture is ordered and should be here this month!  Yay!

Comebacks

In the shower this morning I remembered some vaguely rude thing someone said to me and I finally came up with a wonderfully biting comment that would have surely put her in her place. You know, if I hadn't thought of it two weeks late, in the shower, alone. I hate that! It's so unfair! I can count on one hand the number of times I've had timely comebacks to random rudeness.

One of my favorite times (and I know some of y'all have heard this one) was when Molly was a little under a year. It was a gorgeous Fall day. It was sunny and around 60-65 degrees. I picked Molly up from daycare and we went to the Post Office. I had dressed her relatively warmly that day; she was probably overdressed for the weather, so I didn't worry about putting a sweater or coat on her. She had also taken her shoes and socks off, but again, 60 degrees, so I didn't bother to put them back on for the 10 foot walk to the door.

There was quite a line in the post office, so Molly and I got behind two older ladies and began to wait. The two ladies kept glancing back at us, I kind assumed that they were looking at my super cute baby (or maybe me, who knows how they swing), but I was wrong, mostly. They were looking at my baby, but not because she was disturbingly cute, but because she was, in their opinion, woefully under-dressed for the frigid weather. Of course they didn't tell me that directly, instead they had a conversation in front of me.

Hag 1: Oh, my, that poor baby.
Hag 2: That's just terrible, poor thing.
Hag 1: Not even wearing socks, let alone boots.
Hag 2: I wonder where her coat is.

Molly coughs as she was getting over a bit of a cold (I liked to refer to the colds she got in daycare as kennel cough. I know, I'm awful).

Hag 2: (Very loudly) If that baby were dressed properly, she wouldnt be so sick!

Me: (Just as loud) Oh, that? She didn't get that cough from being cold, she probably got it from licking the floor at the mall when we were there the other day, don't worry about it.

They just stared at me. One of them may have forked the evil eye at me, not entirely sure. Other people in line laughed and I had my moment of glory. Four years later and I still roll that little memory out for myself every time I have a missed comeback.

Crappy Day

I had a crappy day yesterday. Nobody died, nobody even got terribly maimed (maybe a little maimed...but eventually Max will have feeling in his hands again) and everyone was fine at the end of the day.  It was one of those first-world, my diamond shoes are too tight kind of problem days. I probably should have bucked up, thought of people who had it worse and stuff, but instead, (probably because it's January, and January sucks my ass) I chose to just wallow in self-pity. By that, I mean I cried on the couch a lot.

Seriously.  I did.

The crying really had more to do with the book I was reading.  I finally, after all of these years, got around to reading The Dark Tower, and yesterday I was getting near the end of Book 7.  Book made me cry like a little bitch. Granted, I was already in a relatively self-pitying, miserable mood, but still, that didn't matter, I totally would have cried anyway.

But anyway, bad things happened, but really, they weren't all that bad.  All easily solvable.  I was going to give you a little laundry list of all the terrible things that happened, but honestly, I can't remember most of them today. Don't get me wrong, there were a couple of really sucky things (my laptop starting its death rattle, forgetting Max's gloves, and him almost getting frostbite, the lack of babysitter for Saturday--okay, so I do remember a lot of them, nevermind), but overall the day wasn't that bad.  I think it mostly had to do with the fact that it's cold and it's January, and like I said earlier, January really, really sucks.  Oh well, it's almost over, but I'm looking forward to February.

Haven't posted...resolution...will post more, etc.

I haven't been posting. I don't know why, believe me, I have plenty to say, I guess it's just that I don't have plenty to type or something. I didn't really make a "resolution" to post more, but now that the holiday craziness is over, I would definitely like to post more.  Writing, even poorly, is probably a good use of my rapidly depleting mental capacities.  Far better than watching my son lick his spilled water off the table, which is what I was just doing.

So yeah, more posting, more bitching, etc.  I can't promise every day, 'cause it would get so boring, so quickly. Seriously, I'd probably have to resort to shopping lists. Although that could be fun, you could totally judge my choices and shit, like "OMG, I can't believe she's not buying free-range nuggets to go with her Annie's frozen fries!"  But I won't do that to you.  Yet.  I mean, I can't promise there won't be lists, because I like lists, but they probably won't be shopping lists.

Because I'm an asshole

You know when you're driving along, minding your own business and out of nowhere some asshole in a huge car nearly mows you down?  Yeah, that happened to me the other day.  The being the asshole in the huge car and nearly mowing someone down part.

After dropping Molly off at preschool I was heading home with the other two kids and was clearly just not paying enough attention.  Short explanation is this, I stayed in the right lane, which turns into a turn lane even though I really wanted to go straight.  And once I realized my mistake (by "realized" I mean that the driver to the left of me, who was in the correct lane began honking at me and flipping me off) I didn't fix it, no, I compounded that shit.  Instead of just stopping, waiting for the honking car to pass, then gracefully slipping into the correct lane I decided to just turn right.  Mostly because I can't stand to be anywhere near the driver/vehicle I have just wronged.  It's just so goddamned embarrassing.  Seriously, I know they're still swearing at me and mentally re-hashing my bad driving.  That's what I do...and I know I'm not the only person who does that.

But anyway, so I decide to turn right, completely ignoring the fact that I'm almost a whole car- (and by car, I mean super-swank, sexy-bitch minivan) length past the turn.  Yeah.  So I basically execute this bastardized u-turn onto the side street.

The side street that has an oncoming SUV.  Who has slammed on her brakes.

And is also flipping me off.

Fuck.

At that point I pretty much just ducked underneath the dashboard and slammed the gas pedal home to escape my humiliation.  Okay, not really.  But I may have sped away from the scene a little bit.

And taught my two year old how to say fuck 'cause he can kind of talk now.  Yay, speech therapy!

Anyway, we lived, little man isn't dropping the f-bombs like I was afraid he might, but I still can't bear to drive down Benton street.

Here's a little pictorial re-enactment for your viewing pleasure. You can stop being jealous of my amazing art skills now, too.

I'm the red arrow.  The purple arrows are my innocent victims.  The little asterisk thingies?  When they started hurling obscenities at me.

Belated Wordless Wednesday - Chocolate + Car = Rookie Mistake